There are circles around everyone, even you

There are circles around everyone, even you, even me. Depending, these circles can be small; and for others circle boundaries can be well-defended walls.

One circle encompasses our true friends; they are the ones you trust, the ones in whom you confide and the ones on whom you lean in times of joy and pain.

Another circle houses the people you really like. These can even include business acquaintances and colleagues. Although you can cherish this circle, its membership can be transient.

Another circle is your circle of influence. These are your contacts and people who, although you know, you have not engaged in any personal way. This circle is not only larger, its membership is not always known to you (oddly enough).

The point here is the inner circle of friends. Your influence and acquaintances are important but their influence on you as a person is limited. Your inner circle on the other hand is "designed" to conform you to who you should be.

Unfortunately, vinegar makes the best cookies bad.

I had always hoped I would spend my life with a poet

There are different types of people in the world. Some enjoy having music as a backdrop, some prefer silence and then people like me find music is a (if not the) source of energy. I think the meter, the measure, the lyrics and harmony all play into that.

Kyndall and I have will see the movie Curious George tonight with the girls. Was it because we love the books? Was it because we love the stories? Was it the characters? Or is it the Jack Johnson soundtrack? It's hard to really say.

This link will likely not last forever, but here's a link to the Jack Johnson music video available on the kid's web site Noggin: Music Video

Anyway, here's what I am getting at; eight years ago this year Kyndall and I sat at our rehearsal dinner in the Basin Park hotel. Once our parents expired their stage for speeches, I stood with my hands on Kyndall's shoulders said the common pleasantries, finishing with this:

"I had always hoped I would spend my life with a poet, but instead I fell in love with Kyndall. [Pause for disconcerted giggling] A poet jots about life's subtleties, fortunes and circumstances. But Kyndall is not the poet I thought I wanted. I now see that Kyndall is the 'poem' God has wanted, planned and prepared for me. I wanted life with a poet, but God gave me a life within a poem."

Eight years later, Kyndall doesn't recall my couplet masterpiece; I would have to say she's the kind of poem that doesn't always rhyme, but I was right about being wrong and I still am today.

If what must be isn’t; then what isn’t must be.

If what must be isn’t; then what isn’t must be.

Consider how expectations impact observation. When in college I had a Philosophy in Evolution seminar. It was with Dr. Eichhoefer and that was enough.

One concept covered was how expectations cause us to see what we expect to see. For example, in Evolution, presuppositions influence identification of unidentifiable bones and debris toward the analyst’s predilections.

Convex to serendipity, expectations suggests we find what look for or, at lease, what we expect to find. Science is replete with healthy hypothesis, but expectations can pollute any conclusion.

(Let’s not take this too far to say all conclusions are victims to presupposed expectations. The point is to show how conclusions can be tainted without neutral validation. The “too far” is a quantum physics game called Schrödinger's Cat; check it out.)

And so to demonstrate I brought in the Cranberry’s “Everybody Else Is Doing It” album and prepared to play “Wanted,” an interesting song of teenage romantic angst in the context of violent Northern Island politics.

Listen to the song here

I prefaced saying, “The first line goes ‘Sitting in inertia with my head between my hands’ and it is a little hard to hear, so listen close and let me know if you have picked it out.” Even the way I phrased it became a kind of neo-cultural challenge for my professor and classmates to strain and hear what I had suggested.

They all heard it.

I then explained how evil people are careless victims of expectation, but (gasp) even sane, fair and open-minded, free willed souls with good intentions and freedom of inquiry can fall victim to expectation’s subtle snares.

I continued, “Let me replay the start of this song, but also let me reset your expectations. The first line goes ‘Sitting in an armchair with my head between my hands’ and it is a little hard to hear, so listen close and let me know if you have picked it out.”

When it played, palms met foreheads.

It was a great display that we see, find, or even hear what you expect to. As interesting is the fact that once they heard what it “really” was, it was impossible for them to hear anything else again. Think on that for a while…

Aside: In the wild world of software development, this condition almost demands that testers be unfamiliar the application and its processes or technology.

Grow the persecution; grow the person

A recurring theme in my small group studies is the impact of persecution to the vehemence and depth of faith. It almost always starts with someone benevolently sharing their thankfulness to live in a free society like America. I portentously interject with the question "Would you trade it for a deeper faith?"

These are the kinds of questions no one wants to answer honestly. You see, it is extremely close to the consideration of being a missionary; that is, a dutiful response to the calling competes with the irrational fear of being sent to the darkest parts of Africa in lifelong service, never to enjoy the luxuries of modern society. Not that it actually matters, but that is the haecceity of the question and its answer.

The early Christian church (as discussed in Acts) was a pretty neat church; it had normal problems and it had fantastic miracles. It grew exponentially, producing martyrs by the bushel - all in the context of intense persecution by Romans, who (by way of Emperor Nero who blamed Christians for his own burning of Rome) burned them, beat them and all around put them down.

Similar is today's church in China who, regularly suffering oppression from their Maoist government, thrives and multiplies with zeal like which today's American church isn't. What is the difference between these two churches? These two cultures? These two societies? These two canvases of freedom?

I would argue that faith should directly oppose freedom of faith (freedom of religion) which seems to inadvertently dilute, belittle and unhinge the depth and conviction that makes a faith truly meaningful and impacting. It is our misguided fear of suffering (or even discomfort), fear of fear and desire for "softness" that makes this natural disconnect blurred and misconnected.    

An old conversation

An old conversation was recently resurrected with a friend of mine. The question goes like this: When a child is looking to faith, how much should the parent "push" their faith on the child?

Before we even start, we must recognize the bias of the way I worded the question by using the word "push." Surely "educate" or "share" would serve as well, but it characterizes the nature of the question when it is typically presented.

I can go along with this slated verbiage because the ending result is equally valid and the final point is quite extenuated by the introduction of the term.  

We have three critical decisions to consider when coming to an answer.

First: What do you believe?

Funny, but many divertingly answer with "I believe people have the right believe whatever they want to believe" - (the whole position of childhood entitlement is a different discussion) but this is foolish since, tautologically speaking, people believe what they want regardless.

In reality, most people don't know what they believe or what to believe; but paradoxically most people know what they want to believe. Few consider these questions beyond an episode of Seventh Heaven. Naturally people don't want this same irresolution for their kids; they both don't want to curse their children with their failed answers and secretly hope that in their child's search they may uncover what has eluded them.

Then there are “the others.” Mine is a Christian worldview, but the alignment of this argument has nothing to do with that. The others are the ones who really do know what they believe. Not only do they understand it, contemplate it and believe it, but they also can articulate it, apologize it, and reproduce it.

This second group is not motivated by control. The second group is motivated by belief. They believe their worldview, their faith system, or whatever is true, right and best; it is then a motivation of love to transmit this through their family – a moral duty.

The pith here is that if you truly believe the veneer of faith you project, then you must "push" it on your children. Expose them to your views, educate them to your thoughts, empower them to question and doubt, and even (dramatic pause) take them to your church. If you really believe you can't disserve your children otherwise. But if you don't really believe, why bother messing with your kid's head?

Second: Is a child not a child?

A child, I think we can agree, is still a child. It's not a matter of size or capacity (although in some aspects these are contributors) but immaturity, inexperience and education preclude them from being entrusted with tasks like: piloting a jet, performing brain surgery, leading armies, writing novels, counseling the afflicted, or managing finances.

Now, consider expecting a child to figure out the metaphysical, psychological and philosophical questions of faith that have confounded the wisest, highest educated, smartest, most devoted for millennia. Without maturity, education, and experience - into the fire they go defining reality and purpose without context, tools, direction or the lessons of their fathers before them.

If your child is a child, who could expect them to - or even ask them to - take on the whole part and parcel of life's most illusive endeavor merely through bumbling in the dark without guidance and instruction or light.

It's like learning to drive by being put in the driver's seat on a freeway - you're more likely to just die (and hurt others). Sure it might be easiest for the parent, but what is best for the child? After all parents, I think we can agree, are still parents.

Third: Then who?

Even though experience, experimentation and contemplation contribute to a lot - we all learn most of what we know and believe from other people (and not just teachers). If you, as the parent, decide to withdraw from the position of faith educator – it is certain someone else will fill that void.

This tangentially relates to another interesting subject of public school versus private or home schooling. Society is disgusting. What it calls valuable and meaningful on television and magazines confirms its disgustingness. If what public school has to offer is "socialization" then I am not even sure I am interested.

I believe the formative years are "formative." I want my children to chase value over cost, mercy over justice, service over reward, sacrifice over pleasure, right over might, and everyone else over themselves. My voice as a parent will soon be drowned out by friends and experiences at school and play; I will form them while I still can.

I see few "higher values" in the world; secular people and children I meet through my kids, their school or church are pollutants at this young stage. Private school isn't a slam dunk; but public school's "socialization" offering isn't even on my radar screen.

Anyway, you get to decide who teaches your child their framework and platform of faith. If you don’t pick you, then you basically resign it to someone else. There are people with good intentions and people with bad intentions. You have to decide – do you step up or do you roll the dice with peers, other family, teachers, or people they meet.

You can either "push" your kid out into speeding traffic - victims of their own innocence and inexperience - or "push" them safely into an observation booth where they can watch, listen and learn, then decide when, where and how they're going to get involved themselves. Remember, people believe whatever they want regardless.